Jackson Moon Walks to Freedom

Not guilty on all charges, except;

AP-Michael Jackson was convicted today by the music-buying marketplace. While his sentence will not be served behind bars, Jackson is facing years of poor record sales. His non-sentence, sentence is the result of being acquitted on mutliple counts of child molestation.

Jackson, 46 years old, had settled with two previous accusers for millions in exchange for their silence.

While evidence failed to prove Jackson's guilt beyond reasonable doubt, public opinion believes Jackson is guilty of something. Early polling indicates most believe Michael Jackson is not an innocent man.

Meanwhile, celebrity impersonaters are encouraged by the verdict. From Las Vegas, Elvis impersonaters are sharing performance strategies with their Michael Jackson colleagues.

"My show breaks for an intermission as I change appearance from the sideburned, curled-lip, Priscilla era to the fat, pill-popping, Linda Thompson era," said an Elvis who covers both ends of the icon's career.

I will expand my Jacko show into 3 acts," said another impersonater. "Act One is a black Michael with a Franklyn Ajaye afro; Act Two is a white Michael with Cher hair and Captain Kangaroo fatigues; and for Act Three, I am reviewing all six Star Wars and writing George Lucas for ideas."