Dress Codes and ESPN Ebonics

Good for NBA Commissioner David Stern's dress code. Whether they accept it or not, the fact remains that white athletes cannot look to the apparel of black athetes as their role models.

The brothers look good in a purple shirt with aqua stripes in a knee-length zoot suit, but the white dudes just can't pull-off the same look.

Put the same amount of bling on Andrew Bogut as Allen Iverson, and Bogut, along with most white guys, will look like Charlie Browns' Christmas tree -- overloaded by the weight of a single bulb.

The NBA dress code will serve to remind players of their impact on America's youth --that 10-year-old white kids should not be seen wearing a Malcolm X hat tilted to its side.

That we reverse the trend of 20-something white adults wearing retro player jerseys -- of Jim Brown or O.J. Simpson.

It has even become difficult for us white guys to understand ESPN these days.

60-something white corporate execs are guilty of parroting black cultural fads too. They have MTV'ed my sports fix.

If SportsCenter insists on jiving-up every base-hit, hyping-up every catch and run, and generally describing the day's highlight reel with Ebonics, then please, provide subtitles.

Stuart Scott has gotten so street that I half expect Suzy Kolber to look off-camera and shrug in bewildementnt; Translation...I need a translation!

The NBA dress code simply takes pity on us pathetically un-hip white guys.

So, next time you see a white kid sloughing their addidas shoes without laces, their drawers dropped to reveal their boxers, wearing a retro Negro League baseball cap, oversize Sony headphones wrapped around their ears, blasting Snoop Dogg, thanks to David Stern, we can now say, Hey Saltine, if you want to keep it real, wear a Brooks Brother suit like Kevin Garnett.